Sasquatch

I have been blessed with an abundance of hair on my head. Not only do I have an incredible amount of hair but each strand is oddly thick. Along with my massive thick mane, I also have embarrassingly hairy arms. Now, my first thought and hope was that chemo would cause the hair on my arms to fall off. I even asked my surgeon if the hair on my arms would disappear. She laughed so hard at my inquiry and said that in all her years of practicing medicine, not one patient had ever approached her with that question. True to form, I have lost a good amount of hair from my arms where I can actually see several open pores. It's so nice to finally see the skin on my arms as opposed to the fur that could rival Esau's arms.

But in all seriousness, the weekly chemo treatments have shown very little side effects. I am a bit tired but not enough to keep me home bound or bed ridden. From time to time I do experience some slight tingly (is that a word?) in my extremities (Neuropathy) but it doesn't bother me at all. I'm so thankful to God that His mercies have been steadfast and new every morning. What a testament to His faithfulness and goodness as I am able to walk away from chemotherapy feeling healthy and well.

I'll be heading into the clinic tomorrow for another dose of chemotherapy. So thankful that my dear friend Linda will be accompanying to the clinic. Will try to post more often. :)

Am I really on chemo?

Feeling fantastic! Unlike the last four rounds of chemo, this new round with Taxol and Herceptin was a breeze with absolutely no nausea! I can't help but wonder if the nurse even administered chemo to me? I'm floored with how great I feel but am also thankful for God's continuing mercies upon me.

Getting ready for tomorrow's visit to the chemo clinic. Hopefully I can squeeze in a movie or two since I'll probably be stuck in the clinic for more than 3 hours. Thanks Jean C for providing a healthy supply of chick flick DVDs to help pass the time.

God bless!

New Cocktail

More than once I've been told to update my blog more often. I don't know why I have been neglecting my poor blog. I'll definitely make a concerted effort to keep you up to date in regards to my health and state of mind.

Can you believe I'm half-way done with chemotherapy? As triumphant and relieving it is to know that I've hit the half-way mark, I can't help but struggle with feelings of nervousness as I prepare for tomorrow's round of chemo. I'll be administered with a new "cocktail" of chemo drugs and am not looking forward to the side effects. But I have to maintain my trust in the Lord and take comfort in His sovereignty. As I shared with the moms in my weekly bible study, I want to be able to find joy during this time of struggle and uncertainty. Though I may not understand why this trial has been placed in my life, I believe that God has orchestrated every single event in my life for His own glory.

So, I've committed to memorizing a set of Fighter Verses with a couple of friends from church. I'm not exactly astute when it comes to memorization (I blame MOMnesia) so this is going to be quite a challenge for me but one I'm truly looking forward to. Here's the first one I'm currently meditating on:

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. YOu will seek me and find me. When you seek me with all your heart, I will be found by you, declares the Lord." Jeremiah 29: 11-14a

Please keep me in your prayers as I begin weekly doses of chemotherapy. Pray that my body would respond well to the drugs and that side effects would be minimal. And though I will be hit with fatigue and possibly nausea, pray that it would not cause me to lose patience with my children and my husband.

Thank you and God bless!

Feeling Optimistic

Soon after the 3rd round of chemotherapy, my body got struck with a nasty cold. I'm telling you, it was like being hit by several Mac trucks. I was out of commission for several days and it took about 2 weeks to finally feel like my old self. I'm so thankful to God that I never suffered a fever during that time because my doctor has warned me that if I ever get to a temperature of 100.5, I have to check myself into the ER. Cannot risk the possibility of getting an infection, especially with my immune system being so low.

The best medicine I can ever receive is a visit from old friends. Last weekend, my friend Sally and her family drove all the way from SD and graced us with their presence. It was a wonderful time of catching up, seeing our children playing with one another, and reminiscing about the old days. Though our time together was brief, I was so blessed to hear how God has worked in Sally and Joon's lives and how faithful He has been to their family. I miss them already. :(

Maddy enjoying her time with J, K, and L

Go Lancers! Sunny Hills HS graduates (excluding Julie and Soo)

I'm gearing up for my next round of chemo tomorrow. Not much to look forward to except that it will be my last stint with the drugs Adriamycin and Cytoxan (A/C). These two drugs are known to cause nausea and other side effects which I have experienced most if not all. I've been assured by my doctor and nurse that the next set of drugs I'm scheduled to receive on October 21st - Taxol, Herceptin and Lapatinib - shouldn't cause nausea but I'll experience much more fatigue. So I'll be trading in one bad side effect for another. No sweat...God is faithful and just. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

My latest prayer requests:
1) As I enter the last phase of the A/C drug, I pray that my body will respond well to the chemotherapy and that the anti-nausea medication will work its magic.
2) I would remain faithful in spending quality time with God. My QT hasn't been as regular as I would like and I don't want use chemo as a reason NOT to spend time with God.

Praises:
1) Doctor's visit this morning offered some refreshing news. She feels as if the lump in my breast is becoming softer and smaller. Yea!
2) My nurse called me today to report that my protein level is HIGH! Thank goodness for Muscle Milk. :)
3) I've gained weight. Now, normally this wouldn't be something I'd be celebrating but I need to bulk up in preparation for future treatments.

Lastly, I would like to send a special *Shout Out* to my wonderful friends who walked and/or ran in Sunday's Susan G. Komen's Race for the Cure event. I was deeply touched and humbled by your act of love and compassion. Thank You to...
(not pictured) Grace, Sung, Chris, J, and J

Jina, Grace, Jin, and C


Lori, Teresa, Liza, April and Kim

Feeling Super!

Thank you for your prayers! The Lord has granted me with so much energy and I've been feeling so healthy and fantastic since the last post. Side effects have been minimal and I've been eating voraciously! Plus, I've been incredibly blessed with friends and family who have been so helpful during those not-so-great days. Just last week, my dearest and closest friend, Liza, took a week off from work just to take care of me and the kids. She arrived with a suitcase full of activities and crafts and the kids had such a blast with Auntie Liza. We miss her dearly and hope she'll grace us with her presence again!

I can't believe we've entered the fall season. Maddy's already been in school for two weeks and Alicia started this past Thursday. Where did the summer go? Here are some family pics from our summer vacation...


Family trip to the Happiest Place on Earth




Posing with Princess Tiana


Spent many hot summer days serving popcorn from this Main Street wagon


Breakfast with Minnie and friends


Hi, Tigger!


Brother's graduation ceremony from Fuller Seminary


See Jane Run
Ran the 5K while the ladies in the red bibs ran the 1/2 marathon (crazies!)


4th of July in Santa Barbara
Maddy & KK


de Young museum in SF


Happy Anniversary!


"Hurray for Helen" party...LOVE these women


Loved these cupcakes



First day of Jr. Kindergarten for Maddy

Please continue to life me up in your prayers as I prepare for another round of chemotherapy on Thursday, September 9th. I am not looking forward to another bout of nausea and fatigue but I am encouraged when I read this bible verse found in Psalms 56:3-4
"When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?"

Dear friends, your prayers are not wasted. God has been so merciful and gracious to me and it is by the power of your prayers and support that have sustained me thus far. Thank you for being such wonderful prayer warriors on my behalf. I love you!


I

2nd Round...Still Fighting!

Last Thursday I experienced my second round of chemotherapy and I have to say, this time around was pretty rough. The actual infusion was about the same and the nausea hit at about the same rate but I did prepare myself with an arsenal of drugs. However, even with the large amount of anti-nausea drugs in my system, the nausea was somewhat debilitating. My appetite was pretty much non-existent for the first 3 days but by the grace of God, my stomach started growling last night, just in time for me to accept a delicious meal from friends, Linda and Meg.

In the midst of my sickness, I would cry out, "Lord, look upon my need. Have mercy now on me," and without fail, He allowed me to taste His mercy and experience His goodness. God is gracious and so good to His faithful children. Even in times of periodic, "Oh, why me, Lord!" God responds with His gentle care and reminder that He'll never leave me nor forsake me.

I'm going to switch gears and talk about my hair, or lack thereof. The deed has been done and as of last Tuesday, I am now sporting a semi-bald head. Semi, you ask? It seems like I have a certain number of hair follicles that are holding on for dear life. Prior to using the hair clippers, Eugene brushed my hair to see if he could release all of my hair from my scalp. It's pretty ridiculous how much head of hair I used to have. After 15 minutes of laboriously brushing out my hair, Eugene turned on the clippers...buzz! At this point, I wanted the hair off of my head. No emotion, no tears. With a few prickly hairs on my head, I'm starting to get used to my new do. Even the girls are used to my new look. Madeline, upon first glance at my head, just responded with a very nervous giggle and Alicia tilted her head in confusion and said, "Why you have spiky hair, Mommy?" Maybe I'll have the courage to post a pic of my new head....or NOT!

Going, going, (almost) gone

Hair loss is imminent. If you've had the displeasure of seeing chunks of hair fall from my head, then you know life as a baldy is quickly approaching. I've reached a point where I just want Eugene to shave it all off. Seeing locks of my hair on my pillow, on the floor, and just about everywhere is driving me bonkers and I'm ready to let it all go. Parting with my hair is not as easy as I thought it would be but I keep reminding myself that this, too, will be temporary. Farewell to what's left of the hair on my head. Maybe I'll muster enough courage to post a pic of my new hairdo. :)

Thanksgiving

I'm overwhelmed with thankfulness from everyone's well-wishes and encouragements. Truly it is by the sure grace of God and by the prayers of many warriors in my life that have allowed me to press on in this fight against cancer. I find incredible comfort in knowing that people near and far are praying for me...only our Heavenly Father could have provided such an awesome community for me.

Last week, our family was so blessed to have my beautiful sister-in-law, Sharon, visit us from Texas to care for all of us. She's a busy mom of three young children and works part-time and yet she made time to be with me. Sharon selflessly prepared meals for all of us, cleaned the house, played with my kids, and accompanied me on my evening stroll around the neighborhood. By the end of the week, I felt so energized and healthy (gained 2 lbs.) and I owe it all to my wonderful sister, Sharon. I'm so encouraged by her faith and trust in the Lord and am so thankful that God brought this beautiful person into our family. I love you, Sharon! :)

Evidence of God's goodness and grace unfolds everyday and I truly "count it all joy, (my brothers), when I meet trials of various kinds, for I know that the testing of MY faith produces steadfastness." James 1:2-3. One such evidence of His goodness is that my energy level is really good and I have felt neither nausea nor pain for over a week. Yea! My appetite is especially good, perhaps a little too good since I seem to be gaining weight. My mother arrived last night and has been cooking up a storm. I'm sure I'll be tipping the scales by the end of the week. Oi vey!

In case you're wondering, the hair is still intact. However, I feel an odd tingling sensation in my scalp, as if my hair follicles are loosening. Had a little fun shopping for a wig last weekend. Wish I could post pictures but I don't know how to transfer photos from my iPhone. Tech support, help! Can't decide between human hair (feels oh-so-soft and silky) or synthetic hair (light weight but doesn't feel as nice). Price difference is substantial but looking good will attribute to making me feel better. You catch my drift?

Prayer Requests:
1) During my mother's visit, I desire to humbly receive her counsel and help and want to show her how much I appreciate her.
2) Protection over Eugene while he works in Alaska this week.
3) Patience over Maddy and Alicia. I've become so short and abrasive towards them. I pray that I would be more tender and loving towards them, even in the midst of their misbehavior and disobedience.
4) Preparation for Round 2 (Aug 19th). Rumor has it that with each chemotherapy treatment, side effects will intensify. I pray that I would not be fearful nor anxious going into next week's treatment. God will be with me all the way!

Round 1...FIGHT!!!!!

It's been over 24 hours since my initial experience with chemotherapy and I am so ready to fight this battle. Upon entering the Infusion Clinic I felt somewhat proud to be surrounded by fellow cancer patients, to be a part of the elitist group. I was escorted to what looked like a Lazy Boy recliner and was introduced to my Oncology Nurse, Denise.

While I was being prepped, in walks my dear friend, Tina, who is a radiologist in the same hospital. She starts to share with me how easy it is to download sermons onto my iPhone and Denise gingerly asks, "Oh, what church do you attend?" to which Tina replies, "Wellspring Church." Denise then responds, "I've heard of it. I used to attend Creekside while your church occupied the afternoon service." And then she proceeds to tell us she knows Henry (a friend) because they worked at Stanford hospital together. Such evidence of God's grace. To calm my nerves, God provides me with a nurse who not only is a believer (her husband is a former pastor) but she is very familiar with my church.

After all of the excitement of discovering the 2 degrees of separation, it was on to business. The first drug, Adriamycin, was shot through a gigantic needle and took about 20 minutes to inject. Then the second drug, Cytoxan, was a drip that took about 30 minutes. Quick and easy. No side effects during or even after I got home. It wasn't until 7:30 after I spoke with my SIL and BIL, that the nausea set it. Yuck! It reminded me of my worst day during pregnancy nausea. I quickly popped in some anti-nausea drug which, of course, wasn't all that effective since it works to prevent nausea and it was a wee-bit too late at that point. It knocked me out but I woke up at 10pm and nausea resurfaced. I took Zophran (another anti-nausea pill) and that of course didn't work again because that, too, is supposed to prevent nausea. I'm such a procrastinator! Finally, went down at 2AM and woke up feeling refreshed and much like my old self.

Appetite is not all there but I am forcing myself to eat small meals every 3 hours. Hair is still intact and was told I probably will lose most of it by the time I go in for my second treatment (b00!). Thank you to all for your prayers. I would not have been able to make it through yesterday without your loving support.

I will try to post as often as possible, Lord willing. I love you all. God bless!


Peace I live with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

Chemo Eve

I feel naked...sans 12 inches of hair naked. I did it. I chopped off chunks of my long locks and plan to donate it to Locks of Love. With the likelihood of losing all of my hair, I wanted to be able to provide a healthy head of hair (pre-chemo) to such a wonderful organization such as Locks of Love. And the wonderful surprise was that my hairdresser did it for FREE! I was so touched by her generosity and hope to introduce her to more of my friends. :)

So much has happened since my last post but I especially want to share about a wonderful surprise my Wellspring sisters did for me. Last Sunday, what was meant to be a Pride and Prejudice viewing party was simply a front for what turned out to be a "Hooray for Helen" surprise party. I was completely blown away. To have 40 pairs of beautiful eyes staring at me and blessing me with their support and love was beyond anything I could ever have imagined. I am so blessed to be surrounded by such godly women who I can proudly call my sisters in Christ. Thank you to all of you for being my rock and prayer warriors. I love you!!!

In 24 hours I will be sitting in an Infusion Clinic with a cocktail of drugs pumping into my veins. I am feeling a wonderful sense of peace knowing that my Father in Heaven will envelope me in his love and mercy and I will have nothing to fear. He is my rock and my fortress; nothing will penetrate through. This is the beginning of an arduous and rough journey but my God will be with me and carry me through every step of the way.

Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40: 28-31

Amen!

Post-Op

Long day today. Drove all the way out to KP in Antioch (dang, it's far) for my final procedure before chemotherapy. Surgery was performed on my left chest to insert a port catheter for future chemotherapy treatments. Rather than being poked a million times over in my arm, a port catheter gives the nurses easy access to my vein which will be HUGELY beneficial for me since I will be receiving the drug Herceptin for one full year. That means, KP in Walnut Creek will be my home away from home every three weeks for an entire year. Oi vey!

Today's procedure was quick and easy. I received local anesthesia and was sedated with what they called the "happy drug." The doctor later told Eugene that I was asleep for the entire surgical procedure. Hallelujah! The only discomfort I felt was a stinging sensation when the doctor administered the local anesthesia.

Originally the chemotherapy start date was scheduled for Tuesday, July 27th but it's now been pushed back to Thursday, July 29th. Praise God! This means I'll receive chemo treatments every Thursday (8 cycles every 21 days) and have the weekend to recuperate from future treatments and Eugene won't have to take as much time off from work.

Looks like I've got 6 more days to "party" before I head to the Infusion Clinic. :)

Journey

With only a week away from starting my first chemotherapy treatment, I stand amazed and in awe of God's faithfulness and goodness. As I shared with a friend today, I felt no ounce of anxiety nor fear today and it's due in great part to the prayers I've been receiving from friends and family. By God's grace, I've been casting my fears and worries upon Him and seeking refuge in His arms. What a wonderful God we have!

With the urging from some friends, I decided to record my experience and I hope you'll be encouraged to pray for me during what will undoubtedly be a very challenging and most difficult time. So will you please join me in my journey in battling cancer while seeking the Gospel every step of the way.

Prayer Requests:
1) I would continue to cast all of my cares and anxieties to the Lord. There are times when fear creeps in and the anticipation of beginning treatment drives me crazy.
2) Please lift up my caregivers: Eugene, mother and mother-in-law. I pray that they would not grow weary in the midst of caring for me and my children.
3) Be able to spend quality time with my family before treatment begins.