God is Faithful to All His Promises

I was just reading an email message from Maddy's Sunday School teacher. Every week, parents receive a summary of the past Sunday's bible lesson. Last Sunday,  Maddy and her classmates learned that God will fight for you and acts on behalf of those who wait for Him. Every step of the way, God will fight for you (me!) and He will cast away all fears and doubt.  What a fantastic reminder to me when fear and anxiety fill my thoughts. God is in control and is faithful to all His promises. Oh, how quickly I forget and attempt to deal with my fears on my own. Inevitably, I fail because I neglect to call upon The Lord. I need or rather desire to trust in God in every aspect of my life. He has been so merciful these past months and I'm so grateful for His goodness and faithfulness. My body is responding favorably to the chemo drugs and the latest CT scan shows that my cancer lesions have either disappeared (lungs) or shrunk (bones an liver). Now, it's just a matter of maintenance and continued chemo treatments to prolong my life. Praise God! I know that there's always the possibility that my body could stop responding to chemo. I'm aware of that harsh reality but in the meantime I will do my part to maintain a healthy lifestyle and optimistic outlook. How can I possibly fail with God by my side.

Maddy's memory verse for this week: So we can confidently say, "The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what
can man do to me? Hebrews 13:6

Here's a recap on the fun things I did this week:

Celebrated Lauren's birthday with friends. Had a very yummy ramen dinner. 

Enjoyed watching Alicia play tennis. Seen here with her tennis coach. 

Keeping up with an active 8-month old. 

Watched our dear Caleb perform in the Children's Theater production of 101 Dalmations. 

I leave you with this...

I have a great need for Christ; I have a great Christ for my need. - Charles H. Spurgeon

Congratulations Seattle Seahawks

I won't be a popular person with the Niners' fans but I thought I'd do a little name-dropping here. I'm not even a fan of the Seahawks, can't stand football and didn't even know there was a game yesterday. But, I wanted to give a "shout-out" to my main man Marshawn Lynch for his team's victory over the SF 49ers. Not too many happy campers in my neck of the woods. Oh, well. It's just a game, really. :)

Back in 2012 with Marshawn at my gym; Didn't even know who he was but husband made me chase him down and take a picture with him. According to husband, Mr. Lynch is one of the best running backs in the NFL. Whatever that means. Nice guy, though. He grew up in nearby Oakland and always gives back to his community and the school he attended. 

Where Have I Been Lately?

Boy  oh boy oh boy! Haven't paid a visit to my blog in a super LONG time. Where have I been lately? Where do I even begin? I should probably start with the best news…Isaac William Pak! Yep, we've got ourselves a beautiful baby boy and what a miracle he's been to us from the start. Let's rewind to June 2012 when I called my OB/GYN requesting an appointment to get started on some birth control. My OB/GYN was out on vacation so I was directed to the doc on call. She was reading up on my medical history and felt it may not be necessary to be on birth control since I may have become infertile from past chemo treatments. She ordered a blood test to check my FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone) level to determine how fertile (or infertile) I was. Results showed that my level of 27 was extremely high and meant that it would be "highly unlikely to ever get pregnant." Her words exactly. I trusted her judgement and decided to forgo birth control.

Fast forward 4 months, a positive pregnancy test and a stunned parent-to-be. Eugene and I nearly fainted at the shock and awe of the news. Ok, so after the shock wore off, we were pretty darn excited to be expecting a boy. It was a wonderful pregnancy, void of any sickness. Then the 3rd trimester hit and I was miserable. I was stricken with sharp debilitating pain in my lower back which sent me to bed rest most of the time. Then in April 2013, I experienced enormous pain in my left side and went straight to the ER. The CT scan showed I was experiencing a pulmonary embolism or a blood clot but the worst news was that my cancer had returned. The cancer had metastasized to my bones, liver and lungs. I was numb with fear. Not only did I have to deal with this horrid disease again, but now I had a living baby inside me surrounded by cancer lesions.

After dealing with a series of tests and lots of hospital stays, Isaac was born 34 weeks on May 21, 2013.  My good ole placenta protected Isaac from the cancer lesions. Praise God! Oh, and I nearly died on the operating table. During the delivery, I had lost so much blood and the docs had to give me a blood transfusion which ultimately led to me having a hematoma (blood collection in my belly) which I'm still dealing with today. After Isaac's birth, I was placed in ICU to for monitoring and there were touch-and-go moments since my blood levels were at a dangerous level and I almost had to go in for another surgery to stop the active bleeding. Fortunately, doctors were able to avoid surgery and decided to conduct an embolization to stop the bleeding which has helped thus far. Once I was stabilized, I began my first of many chemo treatments during my stay at the hospital.

So, here I am in the new year. Having to endure another bout of cancer. It is much more challenging this go around then last time. In addition to the "not fun" side effects from chemo,  I now have chronic back pain due to a compression fracture in my lower vertebrae, mild pain in my belly due to the hematoma and an infant child to care for. But through it all, God has helped me find the joy in my sufferings. He has been so faithful and merciful throughout my  journey and I am assured that He will continue to care for me in the long days ahead.

I am in awe of God's glory and his hand in all of this. He is the reason I can make it through each day with a smile on my face, in spite of the pain and nausea I have to endure. Just seeing my children everyday gives me so much reason to live. And my darling husband has been my rock and strength. I can't even begin to tell you how much he's done to support me and the kids. A true man of God. I love him so.

Thanks for letting me share my long-winded story. :)

My precious kids: Maddy-7, Alicia-6, and Isaac-7 months

Isaac just a week ago. Loves to sit in his Stokke.

Maddy and Alicia chillin' in their new minivan. 

Back To School

alicia at 10 months

madeline at 10 months

Big day tomorrow for both of my girls - Maddy starts Kindergarten and Alicia starts preschool. I think I'm more excited/scared/nervous than they are. I'm just so thankful that I am able to witness this momentous occasion. What a difference a year makes!

The Fight Continues

As grateful I am for this new lease on life that God has graciously provided, my actions and behavior have really shown otherwise. One would think that after being healed from battling cancer, I would transform my eating habits drastically to prevent a possible recurrence. I suppose just the whole idea of me being healed and now deemed a "survivor" was all too surreal for me and really took some time for it all to sink in. Now that I've managed to clear my head, I'm ready to get back into the ring and give cancer a major knockout. Eugene purchased this book for me right before I started my chemotherapy treatment. I have to admit that initially it was all too depressing to read about the author's remedies for common side effects such as nausea, dehydration, mouth and throat sores, and other unsightly ailments. I didn't want to read about the issues I would inevitably have to deal with as a result of chemotherapy so I shut the book and stored it away never to be cracked open until now...a year later.

So, in order to making changes in my diet, I will attempt to go through every recipe in this book.


I'll start by preparing one dish a week and gradually work my way up to more until I am preparing a dish everyday from this cookbook. I'll even post the recipes on my blog if you feel inspired to create nutritionally-based dishes, too. Let's get to cooking!

Summer has officially started

It's been H-O-T here in the East Bay and I'm ready to experience some nice cool weather in Carlsbad. So excited for our upcoming family vacation...Legoland, golfing (for dads), outlet shopping (for moms) and a SD Padres game. Will post pics of the vacation.

I've been feeling better since radiation ended but the fatigue still lingers. Got hit with a nasty bug a couple of weeks ago and then gave it to Alicia. :(

Kids enjoyed VBS this week and it serves as a reminder that this time last year is when I found out I had cancer. What a difference a year makes. So here's a reminder to all of my girlfriends...don't forget to give yourself regular self-exams and if there is a history of breast cancer in your family, please make an appointment for a mamogram.

Radiation Complete - Check!

After 28 LONG days, I've finally completed radiation treatments! Woo hoot! Yahoo! Hallelujah! Friends have asked what it feels like to receive radiation and the simple answer is I feel nothing. The actual treatment lasts no more than 10 minutes. It's just very uncomfortable laying on a very hard table with my arms propped up over my head and having to lay very still the entire time. As luck would have it, I was stricken with a very bad cold the last two weeks and would have coughing spasms during each treatment. Suffice it to say, everything went well and I can finally close this chapter of my cancer journey. My chest is discolored and very tender but the doctor assures me that my skin should heal in a matter of weeks. I have never experienced a bad sunburn but I imagine this is what it would feel like.

Though radiation therapy is over, I have to take very good care of my skin for the rest of my life. Since I had lymph nodes removed from my right arm and have received radiation, I am at greater risk for lymphedema, which causes unusual swelling of the arm. Therefore, I must refrain from a number of things to reduce the risk, such as:
No hot baths/showers
No saunas
No hot tubs
No blood drawn or blood pressure on right arm
No perfumed lotion on right arm
No shaving (yikes)
Must wear compression sleeve when flying
No pulling weeds (darn)
No vacuuming (double darn)
No heavy lifting
No fast repetitive motion (makes food prep difficult)

I've come to accept this as my "new normal" and won't allow myself to feel depressed over all of these new adjustments in my life. God provided me with a new lease on life and I am forever grateful for His grace and mercy upon me. Just need to keep my chin up and continue living and loving the life God has restored. :)